His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
