I seem to have left my pride at pride
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
