my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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