He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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