I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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