I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
