Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
