just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
