He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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