I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
