Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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