i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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