then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
