im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do vagina's smell?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
