god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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