Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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