whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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