I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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