I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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