I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
