in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
