You don't have asthma, your pregnant
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
