That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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