he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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