My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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