Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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