i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
