if you like me you must not know who I am
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She's JV to your varsity
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
