she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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