Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
