i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
