My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
