Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
