saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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