smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
