Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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