Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
