"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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