I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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