Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
