I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
