He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
