Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
