Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They took my balls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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