I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
