party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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