Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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