Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
