If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
