I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
