I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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