Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
