I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
