So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
