The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
