What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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