I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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