hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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