Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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